I'm So Tired...

Sleeping problems are not uncommon for me, but recently it has been excessively bad. I have not experienced any of Kate’s Signs You Might Be Sleep Deprived but I am sure they are not far away. Anyway I have just been stressing out about this house, the deal is done and the house is under contract so it looks likely that it all going forward. The problem is that it is a big risk I am stretching my self fairly thinly to make this work (I have some reserves left but not much) That in itself is not too big of a deal, but people that I work with keep quitting and I keep hearing rumors of more people leaving, my team is getting smaller and smaller. I’m sure this will all work out in the end but it is just allot to worry about right now.

I am also tired of getting treated like crap by one of my (supposed) friends Kristen. I do everything I can to be honest with her and she has absolutely no respect for that or me. I’m tired of blowing it off and pretending that I am not upset about it. This is a girl that I have been very attracted to for awhile. She knows this because I have told her. She was/is not interested in any relationship right now (with me at least). Great, fine, I can deal with that, the problem lies in that she cant even give me the respect to treat me as a friend, or even as a normal person with any feelings. We had a pretty big falling out over this issue when I came back from Hawaii. I wrote her a letter explaining/apologizing to her, but also was a little harsh when it came to her treatment of me and this situation. I gave her this letter just before she left for 3 weeks to take a class in California. I never heard from her while she was gone (as I expected) and I doubt I would have even know she was home except for a random encounter on the river. During this encounter we were both polite and nicely skirted the issue. As she was leaving she said “Ill call you.” That was a week and a half ago. Granted, I understand if she doest want to deal with it or talk to me, but give me the respect to not lie to me, tell me the truth, tell me to fuck off, tell me I am stupid for thinking the way i do, or better yet actually sit down and discuss it! I know she is in the middle of moving and is a very busy person, but it takes exactly 30 seconds out of her day to call or write an email to let me know that knows I’m alive or cares even. I think she is a good person and I didn’t want to lose her as a good friend. But right now, if this is the way she is going to treat her friends (Maybe I’m not a friend anymore, because I know she has talked to all her other friends), I can’t see that happening.

I know this is pretty mean to her because I’m pretty sure she reads this, but I’ve been wanting to write about this for awhile now (I have before but with absolutely no details of the problem.) and just need to get it off my chest. I think it is justified for how shitty she makes me feel though (and she knows she does it because she told me), so there. None of this should be new to her, it is the same problem that has always existed.